Christmas
cheer sweeps across the nation, as the annual John Lewis Christmas advert is
unveiled. However, the star of the advertising campaign, the bear has recently been
papped defecating in the Epping Forest region. He has shocked the nation by
resorting to such behaviour, which has impacted the entire English community.
A spokesperson from John Lewis has issued
a heartfelt apology on behalf of the retail chain and their acting bear, who
has been named after A. A. Milne’s anthropomorphic ‘Pooh Bear’. He claimed that
Pooh Bear has been suffering from intense pressure, particularly in light of
the fact his annual hibernation was disrupted in order to this national advertising
campaign. “One is always on edge when their sleeping pattern is interrupted.”
Furthermore, the renowned and
beloved Bugs Bunny, who was the desired actor for the part, was already engaged
when filming for the John Lewis campaign commenced. The only option for the
retail franchise John Lewis was to employ Thackery Earwicket, also known as The
March Hare from Alice in Wonderland, whom
is recognised as perennially agitated and thoroughly frenzied. He suffers from
psychotic tendencies and has been hospitalised on a number of occasions at the
institute of Bellevue. Associating with this personality resulted in a number
of personality and physical clashes between bear and hare and has had a number
of negative impacts upon Pooh Bear’s demeanour.
In fact, Pooh Bear has been driven into the association with
celebrities who have been in the public eye for less than philanthropic actions.
For the past couple of weeks, twitter has been have inundated with images of
Pooh Bear twerking with Miley Cyrus, lighting up suspicious cigarettes with
Justin Bieber and practicing his boxing punch on unsuspecting women with Chris
Brown.
Parents have been up in arms about
the bear’s unruly behaviour and showing concern that their children may emulate
the bear’s actions. Mr and Mrs Dunny, from Piddle River, Dorset, had just
managed to toilet-train their three year old; however, after seeing these scenes
of defecation, little tyke Johnny has resorted to public mimicry of the vilest
sort. His potty-training lessons forgotten, Johnny now relieves himself against
trees, squats in forests and sniffs scat trails from other creatures. They
blame John Lewis for promoting Pooh Bear, who they say, is clearly unable to
handle the demands of being a role model for children. They wish to petition
for Pooh Bear’s replacement in John Lewis’ Christmas advertisement.
Pooh bear has been unavailable for
comment.
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